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The Three Stages of Mending a Broken Heart

Posted on June 6, 2022 by Albert Goldberg

You've been dumped. Short of throwing yourself off the nearest bridge, you resort to hiding in your bed for days, comforted only by the fact that at least you have a year's supply of Moonpies by your bedside and your answering machine is on the alert in the case your once loved one may call and beg to have you back.

Just, that call never comes and that box of Moonpies? It is a constant reminder that the emptier it gets, the more bloated you're. Nevertheless, you do not care. You wish the ground would open you up and swallow you whole. Sound familiar?

Cases like this happens everyday.

Falling in love has its dangers and you have just experienced it firsthand. You want your life back but do not know the first thing about how to escape that black cloud that hovers over you, or even finding the energy to do it.

What do you do?

Acknowledge the fact that you need to go through three distinct stages during a break-up. As soon as you understand that, you can chart your progress and see that it is only a brief trip to recovery.

The Hurting Stage

Symptoms: This is the damaging stage. It is where you are now. It is your heart's way of telling you that you've just experienced the worse type of harm there's. You cry, you are depressed and you don't have any idea how you will live without him/her. You leave messages on his answering machine and text to the point where you're becoming psycho. You drive by his house in the wee early morning to find out if his car is still at his house or he is - gulp - away with another woman. You drive by where he works and consider going in and yelling your eyeballs out to let him know that this has hurt you beyond repair. You eat tremendous amounts of food or you do not eat at all and your health suffers. You cry in your co-worker's shoulders and hope they can help you escape this mess. You are, essentially, gone along with a hopeless mess.

How to deal: Today more than ever could be a fantastic time to hang out with friends and watch some comedies, despite the fact that you just aren't up to it. Rekindle family relationships. Speak to older relatives about how they met their husbands/wives and how they dealt with troubled relationships. Gain insight from them. Try to recall things that brought you happiness. Was it a bicycle ride through the countryside? A visit to the beach even in the cold of winter just to watch the waves lap against the shore? How about that closet that's in dire need of rearranging/cleaning/sorting? Now's the time to concentrate on you.

You need to admit that this is the normal process of having a connection that has expired. Nothing can really help at this point because as with the passing of a loved one, this is exactly the exact same feeling. It's a natural procedure. Give it time and bear in mind that soon you'll enter the next stage.

The Getting Even Stage

Symptoms: Remarkably, as soon as your heart begins to heal, your injury turns to anger. What nerve he had to ditch me! You vow you're likely to create his/her life a living hell as long as you're alive. You start dating. Only, these are rebounds. Rebound relationships most times occur in this second phase. Some continue, but most don't for the simple reason that you may do anything in your power to inflict pain on the one who did it to you.

How to deal: After you get to this point, you are halfway there. Despite the fact that anger isn't a healthy feeling to have, it's a normal reaction after you have gotten over the feeling of hurt. However, rather than going postal and risk the possibility you might do something you will regret later, take his/her picture and throw darts at it. Burn love letters. Finalize the break-up by eliminating whatever you've got of his/hers. But bear in mind that years from now, you will wish you did have some sort of remembrance of the connection as it's all part of your life history. Regardless of what you do keep, look at it as a sign of how well you did deal and can consider the relationship as a learning experience.

The Not Giving a Damn Stage

Symptoms: You wake up one morning and ask yourself what you saw in this individual in the first location. Nothing he/she does now disturbs you. In actuality, you're happy he/she has left since you're ready now to form new connections, new loves.

How to Deal: You're there. When you hit this last point, you've come to the point where you are able to go on from here and form new connections. Relationships that are not rebound. When you finally reach this last stage, you'll become the person you once were full of happiness, hope and a quest for life.

As soon as you understand the 3 phases of a break-up, it can help you to understand the process that's involved. Just as it took time to fall in love, you do not just fall out of it immediately.

It is helpful to bear in mind that there'll always be a tomorrow and that there's always that second opportunity to find that special person who's intended to share his/her life with you. Life is full of second, third and even more opportunities. So, pick up your heart, go through the procedure to cure and chalk it all up to experience. You'll be happy you did. In the words of an unknown writer,"Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.